“ I enjoy controlled loneliness. I like wandering around the city alone. I’m not afraid of coming back to an empty flat and lying down in an empty bed. I’m afraid of having no one to miss, of having no one to love. ”

—    Kuba Wojewodzki, Polish journalist and comedian (via wordsthat-speak)

(via life-longloveletter)

1. 3 weeks into knowing each other, I distanced myself so far from you I might as well have moved across the country. I am so sorry.

2. Once you start falling in love, you can’t stop. You just keep falling and falling until you fall forever for that one person - or you fall and you break. I broke you, and I am so sorry.

3. There’s different types of fears. There’s hesitance and there’s suffocation with a scent of death. You were the latter. I am so sorry.

4. When you give into fear, you either cope with it or it kills you. When you killed parts of me, I killed all of you. I am so sorry.

5. Handing someone your heart is like handing them a gun and giving them permission to pull the trigger. I should have warned you; I love to flirt with tragedy. I am so sorry.

6. I’m more stubborn than a hurricane on acid. I taught winter how to be cold. I’m more inconsistent than cell phone reception in the middle of a forest. You dealt with my cruelest flaws but I couldn’t even deal with your habit of short fingernails and coffee breath. I’m so sorry.

7. You spilled your heart to me and I forgot to mention all I do is walk away from messes. I am so sorry.

8. You were in such a dark place, so I ran. I guess I was scared of seeing something so similar to me besides in my own reflection. Fuck dammit, I am so sorry.

9. I never cheated and I never lied or hit you or cursed at you or used your flaws against you, or anything like that but oh god, did I hurt you. I am so sorry.

10. I remember lots of “I’m sorry’s” and “I can’t do this anymore’s” and “I don’t want to hurt you’s” — but I don’t remember a single “goodbye”. I am so fucking sorry.

11. You were 11 when you lost your mother. Not to a coffin, but to burning vodka and poison-filled needles. I am so sorry. (I hope she is too.)

12. 11 months and 12 days later, I’m counting up to our year anniversary. Since I left, all I’ve been doing is drinking and smoking and fucking until I feel that distinct feeling of feeling absolutely nothing at all. Happy Anniversary, darling - I am so sorry.

13. I’m not sorry because of my countless mistakes. I am sorry because you loved me and I love you and I lost you. I am so sorry. I will always be sorry.

—    13 apologies // (everyone usually writes about someone who hurt them, so I thought I’d try something different)

(via underlander)